Parents Behaving Badly?

Last season, a fellow hockey parent Greg B, sent me one of those e-mails that gets passed around the Internet. This one was about hockey, so I read it. (Greg if you still have it send it to me again and I'll post it.) The letter was written by a hockey parent and he wanted to make the point that people have hockey parents all wrong. We're not crazy and violent. And playing hockey teaches our kids wonderful things like team work, taking responsibility, following the rules, listening to a coach, how to win and lose gracefully and a lot more. He even pointed out how hockey parents and kids actually talk to each other on those long, early morning car trips from rink to rink. (That's really true too. We do talk, and it's not all about hockey - it's a lot about hockey - but not all.) Like the parent who wrote the letter, I have found myself on more than one occasion defending hockey.

And while I do love the sport, I have wondered at times if there isn't a little something wrong here. What is it that brings out the bad parent behavior anyway? The screaming, the tantrums about playing time, the walking out in the middle of tryouts (If my Johnny isn't going to be AA, he's not playing here!). I try to tell myself, parents can be crazy in every sport - it's not just hockey. But just this season we had a few "incidents" of parents behaving badly that - well- made me wonder.

In one hard-hitting, intense Bantam game, the losing coach went with his team to the middle of the ice where the kids were lining up to shake hands. Now that is one of the best things about hockey, right? But this coach missed the point and he actually knocked players from the other team down to the ice. Really. (And no it wasn't by accident, these were bantams. You have to try to knock them down).

More unbelievably in another bantam game, after a very hard but legal (no penalty) hit, the parent of the kid who had been hit was so upset that, after the game, he waited for the player who had checked his son. When the player left the ice, the parent threw a cup of hot coffee at him. (Yes the parent was banned for the season, but this is really unbelievable isn't it?) How do you get to a place where you think throwing a cup of coffee at a child is the right thing to do?

But of everything that I saw and heard about this year, I was most bothered by one of my 8 year old's Mite games. It was one those one-sided games, where the coach has to tell the kids to stop scoring and pass the puck around. Though they were completely outmatched, there were three Dads from the other team standing up on the boards, around the bench, yelling down at their kids. These kids were so little 7 and 8, maybe even 6. And these Dads kept screaming. One Dad had even dragged a chair over from snack bar, so he didn't have to struggle to hang on to the boards. Happily, one their kids did manage to get the puck, take it down the ice and score. It was great for them to avoid the shut out. So the Dad, the one on the chair, you think he'd be happy. But then he yelled down at the kids "Cheer, cheer for your team! What's the matter with you?"

These kids can't even score without getting yelled at! Unbelievable. And how sad for those kids. They get to play the greatest sport on earth, but the sound track is being heckled constantly by Daddy Dearest.

So what do you think? Are we hockey parents the same or worse than parents for other sports? (Aren't most of us also soccer parents, baseball parents and basketball parents anyway?) What has to happen to fix this problem? I think firm codes of conduct and strict enforcement would go a long way. But then things have to be enforced by the businesses that want our money. Hmmm. Oh and if you go up on the boards, even once, you should immediately be shown the parking lot. What do you think?

Update - Greg B. sent me the letter. It is posted here http://bit.ly/NDwPX

Must Read for all hockey fans, especially Devils fans

Book Review by IanB
Title: Chico Resch's Tales from the Devils Ice
Author: Chico Resch with Mike Kerwick

Chico Resch, Devils announcer and former goalie has been with the Devils from the start. In this interesting book he shares stories of the ups and downs of the team. The stories begin at the birth of the organization when they were the Colorado Rockies and go through the 07-08 season. There are a few serious stories, funny stories (Hope you found your teeth Ken Daneyko) and some that are kind of strange . I loved this book and I couldn't stop reading it. Unfortunately, it can be hard to find, but it's still available in the Devils Den and you can get used and new copies from other sellers on Amazon. Highly recommended reading.

My Rating: 5 hockey pucks

Are you a blade whisperer?

I have asked numerous people how to check the blades on my sons' skates. Whenever I see someone who seems to know what they are doing -- blade whisperers I call them - I ask for a little tutorial and observe what they do really carefully. Really. This is what I have learned:

First you turn the boot over and stretch out your arm full length to look at the blade. (I'm not sure if this is because the parents need reading glasses or if it is actually helpful to be really far away from the blade when looking at it.) Then you squint and look at the blade very closely. Then you turn your head slightly to the side while you pass you finger down the length of the blade. While you do this you adopt an expression like you are trying to crack a safe, I think maybe because you are trying to hear the blade speak to you. ("I need to be sharpened! I need to be sharpened!") When you follow these steps you are supposed to be able to discern if the blades are sharp or not - if the guy in the pro-shop did a good job or not. Well, I've been a hockey Mom for 5 years and while I try to check those edges (because of course, this is something I am expected to do), the truth is, I'm just a pretender - a fraud. They always feel the same to me!

And while we are talking about blades, why are there so many people responsible for sharpening blades who apparantly are unable to do a good job. Everywhere you go you are told, "Ask for Dan or Bill or Bob and don't let any of the other idiots touch your kids skates." The problem is no one wears a name tag and I can never remember who I'm supposed to be asking for anyway. What are you supposed to do ask "Are you Bob?" and when the guy says no, tell him he can't do your skates because you heard he was an idiot? Maybe I'm not cut out for this.

Hockey lessons

Some people think skating lessons are the foundation of good hockey. Others think that coaches are just trying to make a buck and feed parental delusions. Both of my sons had lessons with Doug Brown (http://dougbrownspowerskating.com/pl.htm) today and a) thought the lesson was great; b) though he was really nice, and c) he got off the ice and spoke about very specific things he had identified and worked on with both boys.

I liked what I saw a lot! Am I crazy? I guess we'll see at tryouts...

Mixed bag weekend

Happy to see my little guy doing so well. We are struggling to decide if he should try out for some crazy tournament team in the Spring. Lots of money. He likes club hockey - house league with occassional travel games. But always wondering if travel hockey is really all it's cracked up to be or if it's just designed to make gullible parents spend more money than they need to. Do the kids who play travel really get any better in the end than the other kids? Maybe. When is best to make the switch? Do you need to make the switch? Who can afford this anyway?

I sometimes feel like I'm being pressured by sales men that you have to do X or you have to do Y. Older guy had a tough weekend - two losses. But he played well. Solid checking which makes Mommy happy.